I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
