Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
