So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
