we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
