MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize