I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
