I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She's JV to your varsity
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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