Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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