I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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