so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
