Your face is a jimmy john
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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