hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
