So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I could make wine with my vomit
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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