everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
