i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
