he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
