She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
