Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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