I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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