Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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