dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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