Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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