Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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