Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
