it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
