Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
