Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
