So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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