from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is my life. Enjoy the view
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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