The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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