Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
