I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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