are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
