It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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