What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
