I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
