Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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