I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
