So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
