My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
