well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
