I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
