you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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