ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't turn off my feet"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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