he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
