I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck appropriateness.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
