the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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