Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
