Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
