my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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