Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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