it was like eating out sand paper
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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