Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Randomize
