i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
