I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
did i just pee glitter
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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