Christians are straight up FREAKS
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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