12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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