she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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