I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
