What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
