you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
