Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
