Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
