oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
