i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
